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The Pyramid Scheme

by Louis De La Rose

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1.
2.
Fuck, its hot. 1: Where the FUCK are all the god damn worms?! 2: You haven’t found anything yet? 1: No, smart ass, I didn’t fucking find anything. I wouldn’t have asked if I did. 2: ...I’m just tryna make some small talk. 1: Go find someone else to talk to, then. 1: ...Fuck. Laying in the trees Feel the breeze, flood my wings I can’t breathe Get me out before the water starts to freeze But, I can’t move, Too at ease Cuz it’s 70 degrees Weather’s perfect Flowers’ bloomed And they’re ringing up the bees More productive than machines Cure diseases, we’re vaccines We the birds, and the bees We the earth, we’re the trees Car’s locked, We the keys So, keep us in your pocket Cuz as long as we ain’t lost, There’ll be money in your wallet Have some chocolate Pop some rockets Not too much, or you will vomit You’d end up with the prophet Cuz, your abuse was fucking chronic But it’s fine, it was erotic It acted as my tonic Hypnotic Cuz, let’s be honest It promised I’d be astonished But instead, I’m feeling dazed I’m amazed Gotta praise this fucking Flower right in front of me That’s so damn well behaved Hasn’t yelled, won’t complain Won’t even get fazed Doesn’t blink even if you call it names Cuz it knows its fucking trade It knows its place Wears a dress shirt At the meet ups of his concert While his fans, spill the beans On his brand new fucking converse But he’s honoured So he offers To give an autograph Then to grab his phone For a quick little photograph, yeah Take it quick, With your brand new selfie stick Ditch the shoes Bird’s eye view Right above the fucking zoo, ay Height of a giraffe Watching all the fucking groups of people Chew their fucking fruits Like pandas eating bamboo While the snakes listen to flutes Chill to tunes Whew Don’t want them to move Cuz they’ll turn you into stew Turn you blue Wrap around your neck And pop yo head off too, and When wave your hands you’ll signal For the next person in queue More productive than machines Cure diseases, we’re vaccines We the birds, and the bees We the earth, we’re the trees Car’s locked, We the keys, yeah So, keep us in your pocket Cuz as long as we ain’t lost, There’ll be money in your wallet Water in your faucet Gucci in your closet Bury your fossils No more bosses Fuck that, now you’re flawless Fuck that office Makes me vomit But it’s no longer a problem Got 6 mil to deposit And you’re spending it on chocolate? Fly away Why today Why’s it so damn cold No one told me It’d be chilly That I’d need to bring my coat Won’t you fly way Don’t you stay It’s too fucking frosty No hot ass cup of coffee Is enough to warm your body Well, maybe if you add some salt You’ll melt some of that ice Thank god the glaciers’ falling over Cuz you’re so afraid of heights And it’s such a pretty sight Seeing them crash into the water Seen it twice Save the bears? Ha, they run around like mice Like lice who argue over who’ll obtain this piece of hair Cuz it’s so rare But, they can’t share So send one of ‘em to the bear But that’s not fair This hair was theirs It was gonna be his lair The fucking throne’s heir, Though the bear’s has lots to spare, But they know just who to call, If y’all don’t wanna play ball Ring the birds, and the bees They the earth, They’re the trees Door’s locked, They the keys, So, keep ’em your pocket, Cuz, If I’m being’ honest It’ll keep bastards from talking Cut the gossip Stay on topic Keep the clouds from popping Ducks are calling They’re all flocking They wanna keep ‘em sobbing Keep ‘em outta coffins But they’re fucking wanted If they’re spotted 10 mil prize And we promise that We’ll pay it by sunrise
3.
Good Robots 06:58
1: Send them out. 2: Now, sir? 1: Yes, now! The masses are ready to be showered by our wisdom! 2: But sir, I’m not sure if they’re finished yet- 1: I don’t think you heard me. Beep Boop How you doin’ Welcome to the group Where all we do is think in loops And throw ‘em for some, Yeah that’s our fucking troupe Put on a play, We fucking broadway So, keep up the act We’re always being tracked Don’t you get distracted, Don’t make eye contact Their thinking is abstract So they are ahead Unsatisfied, til you give ‘em some head Just a shred of how we live That’s how we pay the bills, (yeah, the bills) That’s how we feel our thrills That’s how we feel fulfilled And I can’t see a way to stop Because we can’t even get ill I’m hoping that you like the job That you feel like prop But it don’t matter if that’s not the case, Cuz you can always just be swapped Fucking pit stop Stole the fucking tire Seems like we got robbed Good robots Nice robots What a sunny day Don’t you wanna play? Please don’t make me wait And don’t spray me with water Cuz I’m made of clay Skin is grey Pour that cup on me, you melt my fucking face But it can be replaced Just bring me back to base Back with the masses of their own human race My happy place The home that I’ve embraced Where you can take my scraps, And shape me as a vase As long as you remake the template You’re great Just don’t erase too much Or else it couldn’t get retraced I would play it safe Incase something goes wrong And you have me misplaced Like, oops, That’s my mistake Hope there’s no escape Send out the fucking dogs Have him fucking chased With haste Tracker on his plates Lure him out with bait Start dirtying his slate His end awaits Yeah, it’s his fate He’s fake Got the fucking tapes A snake, Please back off, I need some space Earthquake Shake his ground And make sure, for his sake The next time that you see him He’s fucking encased Beep I’m a good boy, yeah I swear, I’m real nice I don’t bite Swear to Christ No running away Yeah, we here to stay No flying down south To visit the buffet And stuff your face Until there ain’t much left to eat But don’t want the receipt Cuz this shit’s too gourmet Too bad, it’s time to pay But promise I’ll come back, Just for the fish fillet Cuz this was such a treat I loved the fucking meats The richness of the sweets It makes me feel complete, so Please give me the recipe We’re such nice robots You’d probably like us a lot We put on quite the fucking show Pretty dope Whoa, crowd’s got that roar Cuz we that fucking beau Their hearts starting to grow In woe, at how pretty we glow How far we throw How fucking long we go Under the water I got my breath on hold Cuz we spent lots of time With heads dunked in the snow And it just goes to show That practice does mean perfect Even if you find the process kinda slow But, soon you’ll find That as it’s getting hotter That snow in your mouth Just melts right into water But, if you have some honor You won’t even swallow Even though your tummy’s feeling kinda hollow Cuz, you need a dollar You need an offer To use the altar To dispense some food, To fix your fucking mood To mix with barbecues To forget the feuds That caused you to get sued And screwed you It got you subdued Yeah, you got accused For shit you didn’t do But, now you gotta be renewed Secluded In the fucking corner To think about the magnitude Of the mistake you made Sit in the shade While we grab your wallet To make sure you pay Your crimes were fucking heinous You should be like me Record’s fucking stainless I’m the referee
4.
Mr. Perfect 04:21
1: Hey, hey, hey, hey! What the fuck are you doing?! 2: Oh hey, Mr. Perfect. I was just- 1: AbabababababababABA! WHAT the FUCK are YOU DOING?! 2: Oh, I was just writi- 1: Are you talking back to me???!!!! 2: Nah, Mr. Perfect, I was just explai- 1: Shut the fuck up! Oh, what’s that? You're a defect? Well, here comes Mr. Perfect He gon’ teach you how to live your life And make sure that you learn it Disrespect He’ll disinfect you, Dissect then resurrect When you get back up from being dead He’ll make sure you’re correct, yeah Shine a light, Black and white Is there any other life? Well, if you’re thinking otherwise He’ll stab you with a knife Don’t be absurd, Your speech is slurred Don’t feel too bad, His is preferred Don’t use that word Pray you’re not heard Talk like him Now it’s conferred, ay Oh, so you feelin lonely Do not worry, Perfect’s your homie Listen closely He is holy The one and only Thousand trophies Nobel prize Golden eyes Up in the sky He’s so wise Hands together Close your eyes On your knees He’ll reply, yah You’re just a fucking crook Take a page out of his book, ay Better do it fast, lest you end up getting cooked He’s got-a fan club Ain’t that tight? The members super nice Come join us, and do not decline Or you will pay the price, AH AH WOOP PEW Hey Mr. Perfect, Whassup? Hey Mr. Perfect, Nice club Ay, Mr. Perfect, Thumbs up Ay, Mr. Perfect, I’m pumped 1 & 2: (1’s line) LALALALALALALA, I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! (2’s line) No, Mr. Perfect, this is just a misunderstanding. I’m not disrespectful. No, I wasn’t talking back, Mr. Perfect. I really wasn’t. I was just trying to explain what I wa- You deserve a smack Cuz you keep talking back (M: I’m not) Now don’t you even look at him Or your neck will get cracked, ay Oh, you tryna run from him? Go quick like you run laps in gym Fillin mags up to the brim Tire every limb While you snore When he’s bored He’s out stopping wars He reforms, foes implore When he’s at their door Plead some more, Won’t matter anymore One new corpse And yet you? You’re still on all fours No more drugs, better kill those junkies Posts on snap gave food to the hungry Shoot that man cuz he talk funky What a good dead, just made a better country You made 2 million Abandon him, and his different opinion Don’t worry, he’s the villain His fault he ends up in a prison Mr. Perfect, strong politician Makes all of your decisions Guiding your world through his vision Saves all women and children Sugar tasting even sweeter Makes earth shine, makes it glitter World’s biggest babysitter All from his desk posting on Twitter MR. PERFECT WHASSUP AY, MR. PERFECT DISRUPT MR. PERFECT Try to run your mouth, Imma get my gun, Imma find your house Quickly surrender, Every word, ay, I will censor MR. PERFECT Try to run your mouth, Imma get my gun, you fucks too loud The world’s defender Out my bubble, I’m in the center MR. PERFECT I’m impressed
5.
6.
Safety's Off 06:22
Time is nigh No, I don’t wanna die Wings stretched, don’t let me fly , Keep me away from the sky I can see the light Don’t let me up, I’m too shy Off the ground, soaring high, Looks like it was my time Time is nigh Please tell me why All I did was comply, Why won’t you reply I’m not your guy, no No why would I lie, well At least I tried, I guess This is goodbye Please don’t let go When I start to glow Please, please don’t cry When I close my eyes It’s, it’s alright Just sing a lullaby, Cuz at sunrise There’ll be light You know that all I did was talk Yet I see you pulling out your glock Don’t think, nah you’re on the clock Heaven’s door waiting for a knock You or him, you decide There is more that you provide Bigger house in which you reside Show of hands, yeah, it’s unified What you doing, bitch? Just pull the trigger Bullet clung to his head like a sticker Out of time, you gotta do it quicker Only one way to settle a bicker, yeah He may be coughing, but at least you’re walking Forget their talking Their bodies is dropping Walk it off Nah, don’t talk You’ll be fine Oh, you died (Gotta get outta here) Please don’t let go When I start to glow Please, please don’t cry When I close my eyes It’s, it’s alright Just sing a lullaby, cuz At sunrise There’ll be light
7.
8.
1: Huh? 2: Are you good? 1: Yeah. I’m good 2: You sure? 1: Yeah, yeah. I’m fine 2: You don’t look fine. You don’t sound fine, either. 1: Nah, I’m good, for real. I feel great. I’m fucking...I’m fucking great. 2: Uh… 2: Anyway bro, here she comes. Oh, it's good to see you Great to finally get to meet you It’s my pleasure, it’s my treat Hope I don’t come off too bleak Not too boring, or too weak Though you might hear it when I speak But that’s why I’m always quiet It’s my new favourite technique Please don’t mind me if I use it I just need a sec to think Yeah, I know it’s kinda awkward I’ll make sure to tell my shrink Though it feels like he don’t help much It’s just money in the sink In no time, it goes extinct That’s why all I do is drink But, what you like to do? Tan in the sun, listen to tunes? Oh, me? I don’t do much I’m usually crying in my room Too soon? Aside from that I’m fine That’s mostly in the afternoon I got a lot of time Cuz there’s no food that I’ll consume, yeah Don’t really feel hungry If I’m gonna put it bluntly, I kinda stopped abruptly Cuz it started tasting funky It’s ok, pay no mind Got other ways to spend my time After all, I am a junkie Cuz I think of dying monthly, oh I also write some beats Yeah, I do it when I’m free When I’m not tied down by problems Like a whale that’s been beached Can’t go crawling to the ocean, So I just stare at the sea Paralyzed, there ain’t no motion, yeah My death seems guaranteed 3: Is your friend okay? 2: Yeah he’s just… he’s just shy. Thanks for spending time with me I hope we get along Though I’ll probably piss you off, Cuz i do everything all wrong I’ll even text you daily to say sorry, it’s my fault And I won’t get any better til’ you finally respond Cuz I have no self-esteem, and I know I don’t belong And the only way to tell you is through stupid fucking songs My confidence and competence are absent Fucking profitless No dominance, Hide behind a desk and fear the populace My bad Think I said too much
9.
2: What the fuck is that? 1: Where? 2: Over THERE, dumb ass. Over there! 1: I don’t see shit. 2: In the fucking sand! 1: It’s probably just a shell, you lanky fuck. 2: Nah man, it’s...it’s shining. 1: Fuck. Sounds like it’s gonna rain soon. 2: Then let’s grab that thing, man! Before it gets too wet. 1: Are you serious? 2: Yeah, I’m serious! Let’s fucking take it! 1: Fuck it. Fuck it, Let’s go take it. Yeah I grabbed it, Sniffed it, Then I scrubbed it clean, Made it shine, made it gleam Knew it’d be my vaccine, yeah My pupils expand, as I Hold it in my hands Palms nasty Hair’s trashy From playing in the sand I’m stunned I’m in love Fucking eyes starting to flood Heart strings being tugged Wounds getting numbed What fun Lick my thumb Get to finally flip the page, So it’s surface I did rub, and fuck, Call it a drug, cuz I’m high Cuz it’s the genie of the lamp, My desires he will grasp Stick em to me like a stamp And hold them down, with a clamp New tattoo Empty canvas gettin’ stained, Unchained, Just snap your fucking fingers, See your worries down the drain Diamond lock Ain’t a problem, you can smash it with a rock Great job Found the ticket to Pandora’s fucking box Get the door, it’s unlocked The home of the preserved, yeah Your species is endangered Here’s your national reserve, UH Elevators Ditch the ground floor, Time to soar Come a long fucking way Since your dwelling was the shore Better thank those magic words, Praise your mentor, For getting you some drops, from the store, To relieve that fucking eyesore, that you find you are But now that’s just a scar Now you’re chilling with your fancy fucking car, and your giant ass cigar Don’t get charred We don’t want a repertoire Can’t return to below par Or you’ll find that you are waving au revoir, yeah The light goes dark Ugh, I can’t see shit So listen Mr. Genie, Got a teeny little favour Hair is greasy Kinda stinky Cuz today it’s pretty steamy So, all I’m really needing Is an ice cold glass of water So that I don’t get hotter Cuz then I’ll need a doctor But even if I wished for one I’d need an extra dollar, And we know I can’t ask for one Cuz you’d be out of offers There’s more I want, Call the fucking author, Prayers to the father, You can even raise an altar, And then off me in my honour, W hat the fuck are you waiting for?! Cuz I spent life at the bottom I’m just tryna blossom Can’t even have fallen I was never at the top of the mountain So help me, God Please, don’t leave me Genie Make me shine Like your lamp Please, don’t leave me Genie No, no Can’t afford to die So keep me high For hours at a time It just keeps me fortified, Can’t feel mortified At the thought, that a fucking butterfly Will climb back in its cocoon To reverse it’s fucking bloom Nah, can’t have that That thought scares me It’s nothing but a key To a room filled with debris Intervene Help me clean Before I start to scream From all the shit I’ve seen Staring right back at me Trying to recreate the scene Bow down to my queen Mouth closed Don’t wanna say something obscene, AAH Don’t wanna get sent to a prison There I lose my glisten Purpose fucking hidden Posters up, motherfucker’s gone missing That’s no way of living Just promise me you’ll visit Just promise me you’ll come Don’t run
10.
Pass the drink Pass the pills Imma try not to get killed Pass the drink Pass the pills Hurry up What's the deal Feeling real Feeling shaky Happy thoughts Got the chills Hit a shot Full throttle Hit the gas Down a bottle Pass the drink Pass the pills I'm just trying to feel some thrills Pass the drink Pass the pills Don't need food That's my meal Nerves of steel Got the wheel Two pedals Found the devil Up a level Third floor, With the lord Shaping hell Wait a fucking minute Cuz I’m breaking the limit All these red lights I been missing Would surely land me a ticket, I Can’t stop going fast My foot’s glued to the gas Feel the breeze as I’m speeding Through my window’s shattered glass It feels great, Feel like I’m eight Back when I carried no weight I’m not surprised you can’t relate You’re fucking automated So, quit speaking Jealous that I’m succeeding I’m burning and you’re freezing Don’t threaten me with leaving Or I’ll see that you are bleeding, uh What the fuck happened Having a good time, and my vision just blackened Yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking Why the fuck you harassing Get the fuck off my dick, That’s my air that you’re grasping, shit Down the coconut milk from the palm tree Sunny, I’m all carefree Don’t you fucking judge me I’m just kinda clumsy No, I’m not drunk I’m just feeling kinda funny So quick, Pass the drink Pass the pills Prepare to write my will, Pass the drink Pass the pills Hurry up What's the deal Feeling real Feeling shaky Happy thoughts Got the chills Hit a shot Full throttle Hit the gas Smash a bottle Pass my drink, Pass the pills Roll my body down the hill Give my drink Give my pills Don’t need your food, That's my meal Feeling real No safety Happy thoughts You’ll be killed Hit a bitch Full throttle Break some glass Mind boggled
11.
Remember Me 05:38
Oh, good morning What a gorgeous fucking day That’s cuz there’s nothing but perfection That I can create Smell the flowers, hear the birds, Listen close to what they say, Cuz I hear them talkin bout Filling those shoulders with some weight Don’t worry, it’ll help, It’s for your mental health That’s my ground for causing problems Though I could fix them myself Overwhelmed? Go to hell Yeah, I’m calling personnel I can throw you where I wanna Cuz I’m never outta spells *try to follow up next line with until he’s forgotten, that introduces next topic as well Black magic I repel, With the clanging of a bell, So I gotta give my thanks to my lovely clientele Best hotel, Just for me And I guess those who believe But fuck ‘em, They’re all trash One snap and they’re all lapsed Outta date, outta mind No face, left behind Lost, can’t find me Eyes open, yet still blind Don’t leave me (leave, me) Alone I can’t be (be, be) Unknown Hold the key (key, key) To the throne *knocking sfx Oh, that’s a massive fucking line Hoping that they can get inside, Through the doors of the divine Just so they can drink some wine, And spend some time with me Sucks, but that’ll have to wait, Cuz I got angels on standby They’re guarding my estate There to check if you’ve been naughty Making sure you’ve sung your hymns Hold still, slow it down Not done scanning for your sins Seems like you might have to leave, Turns out the Chief was being crossed, But you’ll get your time to grieve While your memory’s being lost And as you spend some time down there I hope you think of me, That you remember how I helped you, How I cleaned up your debris You gotta understand that this punishment is a fundament Your banishment is only cuz you ain’t follow my covenant Acknowledgment, just what you need, and, shit, wonderment would’ve helped But now you’re headed to a ditch, falling through the abyss, Your overconfidence served as your toxicant, just marvelous With feelings of astonishment towards your fucking fraudulence That’s why you never cross me, I’m the king of the earth It’s only cuz of me that you were ever given birth So you’d do your best to keep that mind Everytime you find that I was crazy for signing the papers that had you confined Cuz everything I do has a reason, Don’t you forget that I’m perfect You can bet that I’ll never forget your treason So in return I ask that you repent, That my memory is cemented In your mind, That it lives there without any rent So promise me you’ll do this That’s an order, don’t resist it Promise me that I won’t be dismissed, That I will be reminisced That you won’t be remiss That the thought of me will spark so much joy, recollection of me persists That I’ll still exist, That nothing will go wrong That this place above the clouds will never stop being my home, my glorious Rome My fucking palace, no, no, I can’t let it go I won’t This is my chateau, Where my existence can be shown 1: Hey, man. 2: Fuck off. 1: Cmon, man, you don’t have to be like that. I just want in. 2: You’re here once a week. Fuck off. 1: I just wanna see my family, man. Cmon, just make an exception, this once. Just... please let me in. 2: Not gonna say it again. 1: ...Whatever you say, man. 1: See you next week.
12.

credits

released May 10, 2021

All songs on this album were written, composed, produced, recorded, mixed, and mastered by Andrew Rusu.

Cover drawn by Alex Dirienzo (Instagram: @alex.dirienzo.sketches)



Sound effects come from Soundbible, Zapsplat, and Videvo. These sound effects fall under the Creative Commons 3.0 license, which can be found here: creativecommons.org/licenses/

Some of these sound effects fall under public domain as well. Those under public domain were also found on these sites.

Additional sounds from Zapsplat can be found here: www.zapsplat.com

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Louis De La Rose Ottawa, Ontario

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